2006 was not my best. It saw a lot of bad, but some really amazing moments of greatness.
It saw me dealing with emotions and complications in my pesonal life I did not expect to have to deal with. It saw me lose some people I truly loved and thought were good friends. I was wrong. But it also showed me who I CAN rely on, who IS a friend, and who to turn to when I need a shoulder.
It saw my first (and thus far only) trip to New York City. It was one of the best weekends of my life. I was, and still am, in awe of the entire experience. I want to go again. One day soon, perhaps.
It also saw some great weekends with my sister/best friend Cindy. Philly was awesome...shopping on South Street and hanging out. Getting caught in the rain storm walking 12 blocks from our hotel was an experience. And Frampton in Atlantic City...was just amazing.
Along the way, though, itt saw me lose who I was in a lot of ways. Somewhere, amidst everything that's happened and changed, I lost a lot of spirit. A lot of passion. A lot of what made me...me. It's been really hard trying to get that back, but I will.
People, former "friends" have found a need to judge me because of that. Because I am not as strong as they think I should be. Because I haven't handled things as they feel I should have. To those people, I say fuck you. *smile*
2007 is looking better.
Yes, I remain alone. But that's because of ME, not because of anyone else. Let's face it...I am just WAY too fucked up emotionally and I am woman enough to admit it, dammit. Heartache will do that to you. But it's okay. This too shall pass. One day I will meet Mr. Right (or as Lisa would prefer, Mr. Right NOW) and things will work out. When I'm ready. Heather tells me he's out there somewhere...and when the time is right, we'll find each other. I hope she's right. lol
And Lisa and I have a date for Cancun for my birthday in July. I have it in writing. Margarita's on the beach. (Please make all financial contributions to the aforementioned trip in cash, to me. Thank you.)
Maybe I'll get my first tattoo. I'll have Lisa design something just for me.
I'll lose the rest of my weight without, hopefully, losing my boobs. I kinda like them.
I'll get out more. I'll make new friends. I'll live a little. I'll take a trip south, just me and sit on the sand of Folly Beach, SC, watching the sunrise and flirt with the hot surfers.
I'll learn to leave the past BEHIND me and not let it effect who I am today. (That's the tough one.)
I'll love people for everything they are, good and bad, unconditionally. The way you should love people.
Below is something I read today, that I thought was very appropos. Something I will do my best to live by, one day at a time.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once.
I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things I can correct, and accept those I cannot.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thoughtand concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking.
Just for today, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I am overweight, I will eat healthfully -- if only just for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.
JUST FOR TODAY: I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.
Happy New Year
to you all.
2 comments:
Happy New Year Mel, Some of the people who you think left you behind, just chose to back away while you found out what you want out of life.
And I was under the impression people who care are supposed to stay beside you no matter what...not "back away" when things get tough. Like I said, you learn who you can lean on and who is a fairweather friend.
Post a Comment